My Inner Demon (the good kind (does that exist?))

I'm going to attempt to describe something that's hard to understand unless you've experienced it.  It is a big part of the reason I'm trying to get into blogging more, because it is something that brings may large smiles to my face and the main driving force behind my hoping that blogging what I eat will help me lose weight.  I'll begin with a story.

I mentioned that I'm training for RRR Zion.  Yesterday, I was feeling ambitious with my training and decided to try doing some trail running.  "I need the uphill practice, and the extra stress on my joints and muscles will make me a stronger runner," I thought.  It just so happens that quite convenient to where I work is a portion of the Bonneville Shoreline Trail. I had heard many of my coworkers speak of it and I decided this was the perfect place to try my first trail run.

So come lunch break time I changed into my shorts and laced up my shoes (remind me to post about my shoes sometime - I love them very very much and they deserve some praise), got on my scooter (another topic for a future post - two wheels are where it's at) and headed to the trailhead.  Before leaving though, I told my wife, "I'm going to go run up and back down a big hill".  It was my intention to run about 1.4 miles up this trail and then come back down.  I could see in my head the glorious moment when I reached the apex of my climb and then began my rapid descent.  I began rehearsing my recounting of coming down the mountain to my wife: "I was burning so fast coming down I nearly started a forest fire."  Yeah, in my head I'm pretty awesome.  I even had the audacity to tell the mountain from the seat of my scooter, "I'm coming after you, mountain.  Bring it on."  Again, the me in my head is pretty freakin' amazing.

So I got to the bottom of the trail and started running.  At first, it was going pretty well.  I felt good and strong and super stoked to be tackling this big ol' mountain.  Then I hit a steep spot.  Much steeper than I had anticipated the trail being at all.  I stuck it out and kept going until it mellowed some.  Then it got steep again.  And again.  And then for a good long while.  Not a quitter, I kept going.  Then the worst thing that could have happened did - I had to walk.  I even stopped partway up to take advantage of some shade from a tree and try and stretch my calves, which were the only thing I managed to set fire to during my run.  (On a side note, is there a way to stretch calves without any kind of external object?  I don't know of one, so if you do please let me know...)

After my brief stretch, I kept going.  Oh how it hurt.  Oh how steep the trail was.  And for how long.  Bad enough that I can honestly say I'm not sure how much of the rest of the ascent I actually ran.  Much less than I wish.  I was even fighting just to keep a brisk walking pace toward the top.  I had taunted the mountain, and it had put me in my place.  I reached the top and ran some along a relatively flat portion headed into Provo Canyon, but turned around before too long, realizing that the descent would be pretty hard on my joints and muscles and not wanting to regret doing too much.

On the way down, besides having a few moments where I honestly worried I would get going too fast and roll down a portion of the trail, I began to think about my earlier confidence and the way in which the mountain had beaten me down.  I was thoroughly humbled.  Obviously I had a ways to go before I could say, "Yes I am ready for RRR in September.  Bring it on."  I returned to work, tired and sore but still very pleased with how hard I had worked.  Pay special attention to that last bit - I had the crap beaten out of my by a trail I thought I had in the bag, and yet I was happy about it after.

This is where the story ends and the rest of the post begins.  I told my wife and a couple of friends and coworkers about my attempt and how poorly I had fared.  Then I started thinking (this even began at the top of the trail) about how I should potentially keep trying said trail because it would be good preparation for the race.  I ended the day satisfied with my daily efforts and resolved to hit the trail again sometime, maybe once every other week.

Then this morning I read some posts on FatCyclist, particularly this one, and I realized that my little demon was waking up again inside me, and he wanted more of Bonneville Shoreline Trail.  My little demon is this little guy inside me that began awaking last fall as I was running more than I had before.  We lived in the Cherry Hill neighborhood of Orem, right on the Provo/Orem border, and most of the best (read: least busy) roads to run on included some portion of hills.  On a run with my wife one day, we were climbing Columbia Lane from Provo into Orem, and we were pacing it pretty easy to try and make it to the top (I'm not an amazing runner by any means, I just really like it ok?), and something snapped in me.  In spite of the tired legs and burning lungs, I was bound and determined to make it up this hill.  Not just that, I wanted to push it - I wanted to kick this hill's teeth in.  And I did.  And it felt awesome.

That was the birth of the little demon.  He was a fun little guy.  I'd be out on a regular run and he'd wake up, going, "You've got more in you, go faster!  More!  Keep going!".  He really pushed me, and I liked it.  Then I did an ill-advised (at the time, for me personally) 10k, and I killed him off for a while.  He's been slowly waking back up since I started running again, but I'm convinced now that he's back in full force, and I couldn't be happier.  He wants to go out, NOW, and hit that trail again, tired/sore or not.  He wants to stand at the top of that trail and go, "UUnnghh!  How ya like that, mountain?!"  (Uunnghh! is a guttural grunt, not me barfing, although that could conceivably happen.  Either way, the mountain wouldn't like the results, no?)

And that's what this post is meant to be about - why I like running.  After a very roundabout way of coming at it, here it is:  I like running because it hurts.  Because it's a challenge.  Because there's always a new distance to try or a new pace to shoot for or another hill to climb.  Because it hurts. (yeah, I already said that - it's for emphasis - a literary device if you will.  Don't hate me because I suck at writing...)

There's this somewhat sick love of that pain that begins to grow within you (or at least me?) as you get more excited about running.  I want to run.  I love to run.  I look forward to it.  I wish I had the physical conditioning (and lack of being overweight) to do it every day.  Besides that, I'd also like to do more cycling.  I love bikes and the riding of them, and I'd love to do some road cycling.  I also like swimming.  Heck, maybe I'll do a triathlon sometime.  All I know is, I love that challenge.  I love being able to say, "I took this big heavy body and carried it over ___ miles in ____ minutes!"  I love the...zen?  meditation?  of being alone with my thoughts and the road, the challenge of pushing just a little further or faster.  It's amazing.  I'd like to say it's not for everybody, and it's probably true, but as much as I like it, I'd much rather say, "Give it a try!  Now!  Don't wait!  If you don't like it that's fine, but if you find a little demon within yourself, you'll thank me.  I promise."  Now, go lace up your running shoes and see if you can't wake up that little guy (or gal).

Yesterday's food:

• 1 no-bake cookie
• ~20 oz Dr. Pepper Ten
• 1/2 cup oatmeal with sugar
• 1 golden delicious apple
• ~1/2 a decent-sized pork chop
• Scalloped potatoes (cooked with said pork chop - my wife makes them AMAZING)
• Salad with peppers, tomato, craisins, honey mustard with bacon dressing
• A buncha cherries
• More Dr. Pepper Ten (same amount - I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before.  I should learn to keep myself awake in healthier ways, but for now caffeine still wins once in a while)
• Two slices of french toast, with butter and syrup
• ~2 scrambled eggs with some muenster cheese and salsa
• A Kroger brand otter pop (I usually prefer actual Otter Pops, but Kroger has a couple of flavors that are crazy good - a green apple and a mango-ish one.  Stay away from the pina colada flavor though.  It tastes like they filled it with poor quality coconut milk and froze it.  Not a fan.)
• Some (1/2 cup?  3/4 cup?) Butterfinger ice cream

So I dunno, better than the day before at least.  Cut out the cookie and ice cream and overall pretty good, no?  I have a hard time not eating sweets - I did it for about a month whilst preparing for the aforementioned 10k and hated myself.  I may try it again training for RRR.  We'll see.

Yesterday's exercise:

Did you read the rest of the post?